Cola Turka

The red and white can opened with a crisp snap, and the traditional sweet, almost salty smell of a dark cola came wafting out. In essence, this cola follows in the steps of a basic Coke; there's not much to differentiate it from our common colas here in the States. Intense amounts of bubbles mask the flavor at first, but as they settle down, there's a hint of that slight oak flavor with a subtle hint of saltiness contrasting against the chemical sweetness of cola.

At its heart, I feel like this cola Turka is one of those Walmart remakes of the Thumbelina movie. It's a remake that's very precisely copied after the original; it just happens that the original wasn't that great to begin with.

Flavor: 3 out of 5
Originality: 1 out of 5
Can Design: 2 out of 5

Lyttle Lytton Contest

I love this contest. I think it's genius. I want to do it. That's really all this post is about. That, and just having a place to keep my favorite entries that I've read safe somewhere where I can read them again and again, and someday perhaps write stories based off them. Viva la inspiracion!

Dr. Metzger turned to greet his new patient, blithely unaware he would seen become a member of a secret brotherhood as old as urology itself. 

- Alec Kyras

Man oh man, you're gonna like this book; boy howdy. 

- Duncan Stevens

The pain wouldn't stop, and Vern still had three cats left. 

- Andrew Davis

Maria's flossing was now complete. 

- Chris Piuma

Leon fell out of the goat.

- Rob Tobias

In anticipation, John licked his own lips. 

- Andrew Lloyd

In 3010, the potatoes triumphed. 

- Nat Gertler

Splashy the whale smiled secretively, flapping his flappers and swimming. 

- Jackie J.

This is a mystery about a murder I committed. 

- Lachlan Redfern

Zandor stood in the doorway, raking the onlooking crowd with the hot coals of his eyes. 

- Mark Caudil

Once upon a time, there was a talking lamp whose lightbulb fell out and hit a person and the person got shocked and destroyed everything.

- Megan Groppe

"You are in pain; both physical and emotional," my heart informed me. 

- Daniel Blackmore

"OMH" texted Sue-Anne to her compatriot Ellen, "MY OWN PARENTS R DED!" It looked like the Mystery Girls had a new mystery!

- G. Paal

Tuesday. Africa. Lion o'clock.

- Jamie Harding

The battlefield stank thick with writhing "progressives."

- Neil Martin

Pika...chu, thought Pikachu.

- anonymous

Zamboni doubled - nay, TRIPLED over in happiness-demolishing agonies.

- Leon Arnott

Deep space. The silence of the void. Shh.

- Anthony Hope

As the subtle smell of baking monkeys filtered through the classroom, I wondered where the science experiment had gone wrong. 

- anonymous

Under Bob's fez was another.

- Jeff Marr

PEWPEW - Lasers! - PEWPEWPEW!

- David Poore

The thing is, you can never really tell if a person is looking out from behind their own eyes, or if the eyes are being piloted by tiny mice in swivel-chairs.

- Noah Smith

"Crime," declared the police captain, "is everywhere, crime, crime!" 

- Carl Muckenhoup

For hobos, spring was the season of love.

- Rob Lenzi

The king of ketchups was being dethroned, and I wanted an explanation.

- Dan Schmidt, quoting Leigh Belanger in Cook's Illustrated

This is the cipher key for all that follows: |||||| || |!

- P. Scott Hamilton

Pie Time!

Friends, Family, I feel it's time to embark on something exciting and new.

Yes, that's right: It's PIE TIME! A time for flavorful adventure and excitement! A time for the exploration of culinary delights and epicurean pleasures! A time for FRUIT! A time for PASTRY! But more importantly, FRUIT!

Yes, fruit, that ever-adored article of luscious lip-smacking flavor, that blessed bearer of jubilant juice-filled bliss! A tiny plant grows to an adult height, never knowing that someday its green bowers will hang with the weight of tasty, tempting tidbits of succulent sweetness. And I will eat it.

The BS girls have all been discussing a pie-and-cobbler party for our tastebuds. I was beyond ecstatic when I heard the news. I didn't even think they liked pie and cobbler! No one ever brings it to our get-togethers. So I figured maybe they're cake and cookie people, which is what I've encountered in most of my friends. And L revels in her Golden Oreos so much that I assumed she likes pie but doesn't exactly crave it. Not like I crave it, at least. A pie on a stand at Food Lion catches my eye the same way a Lamborghini would on a slow drive-by. Gorgeous.

BUT apparently they like pie and cobbler. So we're going to have a Special Night Out for the fruits we love!

I will tell you why I am most excited about this: one of my goals is to create a superb collection of fruit recipes. I get so overwhelmed by all the Apple Pie recipes out there that I honestly avoid making it simply because I don't know which one to choose. If I had massive kitchen and money at my disposal and I could find someone else to clean and a bunch of people to do the eating, I'd bake four or five different recipes for each kind of pie and then choose my favorite to only bake from then on. I really want to be the kind of woman who is known for her pie/cobbler/etc.

(sigh) Someday, pie fans, I will achieve this level of distinctive superiority. And it will be amazing. And The Boy will help me eat it all. :)