Cactus or Kelp?

Sometimes I worry - all the time, I worry - that I'm too much.

It makes me sad how I always need more love. I never feel loved enough. And it's not that people don't love me. They do, and they tell me that all the time. It's just that it's never enough. I can't ever get enough of someone giving me attention, or making me feel special, or anything like that.

Sometimes I think I have enough, and then within the next minute, hour, or day, I'm hungering for attention again. You would think that I would be able to handle going without attention for at least a few days. It drives me crazy.

For example: I went out with a bunch of girls last night to a fantastic classical concert. We dressed up. We had milkshakes. We rode the Light Rail. It was so much fun. I spent at least 6 hours with a group of girls that all genuinely liked me. And yet today I find myself wishing there were someone else in my apartment beside me who would want to talk to me. Why can't my love/attention quota be filled longer?

You would think that I'd at least be able to make it one day without feeling down. I mean, my goodness. Am I that needy, that I can't go a whole day without wanting someone else around? Will I ever have enough love? I feel like a sponge, soaking it all up, but then something like evaporation occurs, and I need more. Like a plant taking in water. You can't ever finally have enough water. But goodness, shouldn't I be more like a cactus than kelp?

I remember the analogy that really grabbed me a few years ago - Carla described wounding words as things that stabbed someone, filling them with holes so that even when you poured love in, it spilled right out and they could never feel love. You had to fix the holes first. Well, I thought I fixed the holes! God fixed them. Are there more that I don't know about? Or is this just a God-made thing - are all people like this? Or is it just a Michaela thing? Am I designed this way - to be kelp, needing a love-surrounded environment to survive, while others can hoard up their love and survive like cacti in the desert? It's fine with me, if I'm meant to be like this. I'd just like to know if there's something I need to be trying to fix or not.